Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts

May 5, 2010

Khutba from Sheikh 'Abdullah 'Adhami

The following khutba in Swahili is a beautiful expression of the meaning of marriage and the nature of the love that prevails between two people. May Allah make it easy for us to love one another. (thanks to TAMCO)

Kwa kuoa huchukui tu mke, Bali unachukua ulimwengu wako mzima. Kuanzia hapo mpaka maisha yako yote mke wako atakuwa mwenzio, mwandani wako, na rafiki yako mpenzi.

Atashiriki katika nyakati zako nzuri, siku zako, na miaka yako. Atakuwa pamoja nawe katika furaha na shida, katika mafanikio na tabu, katika ndoto zako na katika wakati wa hofu. Ukiumwa, atakupa huduma bora kabisa. Wakati unapohitaji msaada atafanya vyovyote awezavyo kwa ajili yako. Wakati una siri, ataitunza siri yako, wakati unahitaji ushauri, atakupa ushauri mzuri kabisa.

Atakuwa na wewe utakapoamka asubuhi kitu cha kwanza ambacho macho yako yataona ni macho yake. Wakati wa mchana, atakuwa na wewe, kama kuna wakati mchache hatokuwa na wewe kwa kimwili, atakuwa anakufikiria wewe, anakuombea dua kwa moyo wake wote, akili yake yote, na roho yake nyote. Ukienda kulala usiku, kitu cha mwisho macho yako kuona itakuwa ni yeye, na ukilala bado utakuwa unamuona katika ndoto zako. Kwa kifupi atakuwa ni ulimwengu wako mzima na wewe utakuwa ulimwengu wake mzima.

Kielezo bora kabisa ambacho mimi binafsi nishawahi kusoma kinafafanua ukaribu wa wanandoa juu ya wao kwa wao na kielezo hicho kipo katika aya ya Qur-aan ambayo inasema:

((Wao ni vazi kwenu, na nyinyi ni vazi kwao)) [Al-Baqarah 2:187].

Na Kweli, wanandoa ni kama vazi juu ya wao kwa wao kwa sababu wanapeana ulinzi, liwazo, kinga (stara), msaada (tegemeo), na mapambo ambayo vazi linampa mtu. Hebu jaribu kufikiri msafara wakati wa siku za baridi kwenda sehemu kama vile Alaska bila ya kuwa na nguo! Wanandoa wetu wanatupa kiwango kile kile cha faraja (liwazo), ulinzi, na msaada katika msafara wa maisha yetu katika dunia hii kama vile nguo itakavyofanya katika msafara wa Alaska.

Mahusiano baina ya wanandoa ni ya kustaajabisha kabisa katika mahusiano yote ya kibinaadamu: Idadi ya mapenzi na mahaba, undani na ukaribu, huruma na imani, amani na utulivu ambao unajaza nyoyo za wanandoa ni jambo lisiloelezeka kwa wepesi. Ufafanuzi pekee wa mantiki ambao unaweza kuelezeka juu ya haya mastaajabu makubwa katika hisia zote za kibinaadamu ni kwamba: Ni kitendo cha Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala, ((Na Mwenyezi Mungu Amekuumbieni wake [na wenza katika jinsi yenu])) [An-Nahl 16:72]

Mola wetu tu Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala katika katika Utawala Wake usio na upeo wa huruma Yake isiyo na mipaka na Hekima Yake adhimu Anaweza kujenga na kuzididimiza katika akili hizi hisia za kustaajabisha na za kubarikiwa katika nyoyo za wanandoa. Kwa kweli Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'aala Anawakumbusha wale ambao wanatafuta ishara Zake katika ulimwengu huu kwamba hisia hizi katika moyo wa wanandoa ni katika ishara Zake ambazo zinatakiwa zimuongoze mwanaadamu katika kuwepo Kwake kama Alivyosema katika Qur-aan, (Na katika Ishara zake ni kuwa Amekuumbieni wake zenu kutokana na nafsi zenu ili mpate utulivu kwao. Naye Amejaalia mapenzi na huruma baina yenu. Hakika katika haya bila ya shaka zipo ishara kwa watu wanaofikiri." [Ar-Ruum 30:21]

Lakini Mwenyezi Mungu Subhanahu Wa Ta’aala Anajua kwamba moyo wa binaadamu sio kitu ambacho kiko tuli, wakati mwengine huwa dhaifu na wakati mwengine huwa na nguvu. Hisia zinaweza kubadilika na hubadilika pindi wakati unavyosogea. Mapenzi yanaweza kufifia na kupayuka mbalini. Mshikamano wa ndoa unaweza kuwa dhaifu kama haujahudumiwa vizuri. Furaha katika ndoa haiwezi kudharauliwa; furaha ya kuendelea inahitaji utowaji wa daima kutoka pande zote. Ili mti wa mapenzi ya ndoa ubaki hai na kuendelea kuishi, udongo lazima udumishwe, uhifadhiwe, umwagiwe maji na ulelewe.

Kumbuka kwamba Mtume wetu Muhammad (Swalla Allaahu 'alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam) alipata nafasi ya kwenda kwenye majangwa na kushindana mbio na mke wake Bibi 'Aishah. Bibi 'Aishah alimshinda Mtume lakini baadae aliponenepa, Mtume alimshinda Bibi 'Aishah. Kumbuka kwamba Mtume (Swalla Allaahu 'alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam) alimchukua mkewe kwenda kuwatazama vijana wa Ki-Ethiopia wakicheza michezo ya utamaduni wao. Maonyesho ya hisia yanahitajika kuweza kuufanya mshikamano wa ndoa usifanye kutu na kuoza. Kumbuka kwamba utapata thawabu kutoka kwa Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta'aala) kwa hisia zozote unazomuonyesha mkeo kama Mtume (Swalla Allaahu 'alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam) alivyosema: ((Mmoja wenu atapata thawabu kwa chochote ambacho atafanya ili kutafuta radhi za Mwenyezi Mungu hata kwa tonge analomlisha mkewe))

Kamwe usidharau umuhimu wa vitu vidogo vidogo kama vile kuweka chakula kwenye mdomo wa mkeo, kumfungulia mlango wa gari, na hali kadhalika. Kumbuka kwamba Mtume (Swalla Allaahu 'alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam) alikuwa anasogeza goti lake kwa mkewe amkanyage kuweza kumpanda ngamia.

Jaribu kutafuta wakati ili nyote wawili muweze kuswali pamoja. Kuuimarisha uhusiano kati yenu na Allaah (Subhanahu wa Ta'aala) ni hakikisho kubwa kuwa uhusiano wenu wa kindoa utabaki madhubuti. Kuwa na amani kati yenu na Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta'ala) daima kutapelekea ndani mwenu kuwa na amani zaidi.

Kumbuka kwamba Mtume (Swalla Allaahu 'alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam) aliwapa habari nzuri (aliwabashiria) wanandoa wanaoamka usiku kuswali pamoja. Mtume (Swalla Allaahu 'alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam) anamsisitiza mwanandoa anayeamka mwanzo amuamshe mwenzake, japo kummwagia maji katika uso wake.

Daima jaribu uwezavyo kuwa mtu mzuri kwa mkeo kwa njia ya maneno na vitendo. Ongea nae, mchekee, tafuta ushauri wake, muulize juu ya mawazo yake, tumia wakati maalum na yeye na daima kumbuka kwamba Mtume (Swalla Allaahu 'alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam) alisema: ((Wabora katika nyinyi ni wale ambao ni wabora kwa wake zao))

Mwishowe, ni kawaida kwa wanandoa kuahidi kuwapenda na kuwaheshimu wanandoa wenziwe mpaka mauti yawatenganishe. Naamini kwamba ahadi hii ni nzuri au ni bora kabisa, lakini haitoshi! Haitoshi kumpenda mkeo tu. Lazima upende anachokipenda pia. amilia yake, anaowapenda yeye uwapende pia. Usiwe kama mwenzangu mmoja ambaye hakufurahiwa kuja kwa wazazi wa mke wake kukaa kwa wiki chache. Alimwambia wazi mkewe “Mimi siwapendi wazazi wako”. Bila ya kusita mkewe alimtazama machoni kwa hasira na kusema, “Na wako pia siwapendi”.

Mapenzi yasiishe na pia tunaamini kuna maisha baada ya mauti ambapo wale ambao walifanya wema katika dunia hii wataungana na wanandoa wenzio ((Ingieni Peponi, nyinyi na wake zenu; mtafurahishwa humo)) [Az-Zukhruf 43:70] Pia wataungana na watoto wao.

Na mfano bora katika mintarafu hii itakuwa ni Mtume (Swalla Allaahu 'alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam) ambaye mapenzi yake kwa Bibi Khadiyjah, mkewe aliyeishi naye kwa miaka 25 yalisogea mpaka kwa wale aliowapenda Khadiyjah; mapenzi yake haya yaliendelea hata baada ya kufa Bibi Khadiyjah. Ilikuwa miaka mingi baada ya kifo cha Bibi Khadiyjah na Mtume (Swalla Allaahu 'alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam) hakumsahau na kila panapochinjwa mbuzi katika nyumba yake basi hutuma kifurushi kwa familia ya Bibi Khadijah na marafiki zake na kila akihisi kuwa mgeni anayegonga mlango ni Dada ya Khadijah aitwaye Hala, Mtume (Swalla Allaahu 'alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam) alikuwa akiomba huku akisema, “Ewe Mwenyezi Mungu Jaalia awe ni Hala."

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March 30, 2010

Zanzibar under Colonial Rule: Schoolgirls a Metaphor for State Independence

From Lehman on iTunes U:

Zanzibar under Colonial Rule: Schoolgirls a Metaphor for State Independence
April 23, 2009

Professor Corrie Decker examines how child marriage and colonial rule in Zanzibar during the early twentieth century changed the national discourse about the government's role in shaping the sexuality of schoolgirls through public education.

6 Minutes 47 Seconds.

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January 8, 2010

Divorce Rate Falls in Oman as more men take second wives

Divorce Rate Falls in Oman

MUSCAT // The rate of divorce in Oman has fallen as a result of a trend in which men are increasingly taking second wives while keeping their first to prevent the break-up of their families, marriage counsellors say.

According to statistics from the ministry of religious affairs, the divorce rate in Oman dropped by 12 per cent in 2008 from the previous year. At the same time, the number of men taking second wives increased by more than 20 per cent.

“It is a way of making compromises… between men and their first wives,” Fatma Fallahy, a 74-year-old marriage counsellor, said. “Men say: ‘I will keep the first family as a dutiful husband, but I need to marry a second wife to keep my libido up’.”

In Islam, men can have up to four wives, provided they can afford to treat them equally, both emotionally and financially.

But when men decide to marry again, their first wives’ emotional well-being is usually the last of their concerns. “It is good that there are fewer divorces now; that prevents family break-up, but women still don’t understand why their husbands would want to add another wife when things are going well at home,” Ms Fallahy said.

For Aisha Suleimany, a 46-year-old bank supervisor, her married life does not have the same meaning now that she shares her husband of 24 years with a much younger woman. Her 51-year-old husband married a 22-year-old woman six months ago.

“What did I do wrong? I slaved in the house and at the same time go out to earn a second living and what do I get? Some woman to share my marriage and the fortune I helped to provide for our children. Half of it now goes to the new wife who came in with just a bag of clothes,” Ms Suleimany said.

Ms Suleimany said she and her husband took a joint bank loan before he married again to build a second home.

“The second home that he now lives in with his second wife is partly my effort,” Ms Suleimany added. “I understand Islam allows men to have two wives, but it is hard for most women to accept that when the only reason is just to get a younger model.”

Other marriage counsellors have little sympathy for first wives. “In my opinion, women have only themselves to blame for letting themselves go. They need to look after themselves and stay attractive,” Safiya Suleiman, a 58-year-old marriage counsellor, said.

Ms Suleiman said men in their 40s and 50s are more likely to marry second wives than any other age group.

“They want to revive their youth and stay young, and a very young second wife is just the thing for them,” Ms Suleiman said.

But many ask why young women would accept a marriage proposal by married men twice their age.

“Middle-aged men are usually well-off financially. Some young women don’t want to struggle with men of their own age. Another reason is that it is difficult in our society for women to land a husband after the age of 25. They become a prime target for middle-aged, wealthy men,” Ms Fallahy said.

But Ms Suleimany dismissed Ms Suleiman’s suggestion. “That is stupid advice and I am surprised that, as a woman, she would say that. It is biologically impossible to retain one’s youthfulness as one ages. Besides, women look beyond wrinkles, can’t men do the same?” she said.

Nasser Kindy, a 56-year-old businessman who took a second wife two years ago, refuted the popular belief that men who take second wives simply want to boost their libidos.

“Far from the truth… most men with two wives do that because their first one turned the house into sheer hell,” Mr Kindy said. “At my age, I want peace of mind and not constant nagging all day long. The home of my second wife is an escape route when the first wife starts to blow the roof.”

But Mr Kindy conceded that polygamy is not always an enviable lifestyle.

“Children from the first wife can be rebellious, causing constant friction… And your two families can never be close, virtually becoming lifelong enemies,” Mr Kindy said.

Clerics say the practice often leads to disputes over inheritance.

“Usually, the children of the first wife, being much older than the second wife’s children, tend to take more than their share after their father’s death, resulting in bitter court lawsuits,” Sheikh Salim al Amry, imam of a mosque in Muscat, said.

Many second wives also say they often have contentious relationships with their co-wives. “We are called ‘husband snatchers’ by first wives. If anything, it is their fault for not satisfying their husbands,” Khadija Marhoon, 33, the second wife of an army officer, said. “Yes, there are problems… I personally don’t care as long as I get what I need.”

salshaibany@thenational.ae

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October 1, 2009

Reality in Oman (Word Press Blog)



This sister over at Reality in Oman has a great blog about religion, racism, women, and just life in general in Muscat and surrounding.

In the piece I read most recently, she took on racial classes in Oman, but she has also discussed young people meeting through the internet, Islamic tolerance, marriage and dating and a lot of other interesting topics. Check it out!

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